A Republican Walks into a Bar...
  1. Dick Cheney walks into a bar, and declares, "Shots all around!"
  2. George W. Bush walks into a bar and says, "Hey, friend, can I have a beer?"
    The bartender replies, "Nope."
    Angered, Bush finds the bar's manager and complains.
    The manager takes the bartender into the back for a talk, then returns after a minute.
    "Sorry, Mr. President," the manager states, "but there's nothing I can do. You addressed him as 'friend.'"
    Shocked, Bush cries, "What does that have to do with anything?"
    The manager replies, "Everybody knows that friends of yours don't have to serve."
  3. A priest, a rabbi, and David Vitter walk into a bar.
    The priest says, "Bartender, give me a beer."
    The bartender says, "Only if you go to that stool on the other side of the bar."
    The priest asks, "What's wrong with this stool?"
    The bartender replies, "Too close to the John."
  4. A Republican walks into a bar.
    "Gimme two shots of vodka," he says, "I have a hot date."
    "Absolut?" asks the bartender.
    "Nope," the Republican replies, "relative..."
  5. "George W. Bush walks into a bar.
    "Gimme a beer," he says, "and do you have any games?
    "There's a pool table on that side," the bartender said while pointing, "and a dartboard in that corner."
    Bush paid the bartender for the beer, and walked over to the other side of the bar.
    Two minutes later, he came back to the bartender.
    "Something wrong?" the bartender asked.
    "Well, I found the pool table all right," Bush replied, but in the corner there were just some darts and a mirror."